Alternative Opening for DAWN (Suggested by APDIGGS)

Hey guys thanks for the feedback had some good stuff both on here and online too so thanks for that. A regularly commenter and someone who always offers great advice and can be brutally honest (which is what you need when you get feedback, constructive criticism) suggested a new opening for my film which I loved. So today whilst I was struggling to get the story going again as I felt like I’d written myself into a corner I decided to just rewrite the opening and now not only do I like it more than the original, it’s laid some foundations for how I can now move the story forward.

This is why I am a strong advocate of getting your work online no matter how crap you may think it is, with a great group of readers you can really get the help or the push you need to get going again, so here is the new opening!

DAWN OPENING

A New Drafting Technique & DAWN – Feedback

As you may well be aware I am currently working on my first feature film called “DAWN”. This blog has pretty much been dedicated to it recently and I don’t see that changing until I break up from University at Christmas when I can have a break from thinking about it.

But it’s got to be said, I am really enjoying the experience. The feedback I am getting from people and you lot is fantastic! It’s all well and good showing it my friends but they’re always nice, “Oh that’s amazing” “Well done” which don’t get me wrong is nice to hear but at the same time it’s not constructive. And as a writer what you need is constructive feedback and that is what you, my readers, provide me and for that I am very thankful and I love each one of you.

The feedback I have got I have decided to collate by draft into a separate document which I will be able to hand in as extra evidence for my assignment and will hopefully net me more marks for this module I am currently doing. (This module is planning it with the final hand in being a full scene by scene breakdown of the script and the post-christmas module is the actual writing of the full script)

But something else that has come out of this that I have never done is a change-log. Continue reading

DAWN: Synopsis–All 3 Acts – Draft 1

Here are the final two acts of my DAWN synopsis, although having read the feedback from the first Act commenter “apdiggs” has given me some great advice so the positioning of the act breaks will probably end up being different now, this is why I am putting the last two acts up in one go so then people can read it as it is and let me know what they think how it flows when it is all presented together. For those of you who haven’t read the comment from “apdiggs” to sum up they are saying get to DAWN faster. And I agree, I did want to get to DAWN faster but to me the two suicide attempts were a vent for me at how crap the hospital system is as recently I have had some experience with the hospitals discharging patients who are clearly unstable, but this probably not my place to have a sly dig at that so for that reason I am going to take out the pill suicide and just have the bridge jump. Continue reading

DAWN: An Update

First of all I would just like to say thank you to all of you who gave me feedback on my logline and the synopsis etc. I took the feedback and made the changes that I felt were necessary and then submitted it to my University tutor to get his feedback. And his verdict was pretty much this:

“Change everything about the story”.

Now, I’m all for making changes based on what people suggest and especially what the tutor thinks best but in this case I have had to disregard everything he said to me regarding my work. He wanted to me to get rid of the cyber-world idea, get rid of the cyber-killer (or any killer at all for that matter), get rid of the brother, and just have it based on an addiction that his tearing his wife and daughter away from the main character, Roy.

I left the tutorial disheartened at first but then it dawned on me…I think he’s wrong. When he told me to have this drama focused on this little family, I told him I thought that was very cliche, it was over done and I think for a 90-120 minute script it would be incredibly, incredibly, incredibly, boring. His response was “but you can do things with it that makes it not cliche” and that may be the case but at the end of the day it’s not a story I want to tell, like, at all.

The one piece of advice he did give me that I may take on board is losing the brother, let the cyber-killer come after Roy instead, as this then affects him personally it is a direct threat on himself. But only concern with this is Roy’s brother was the reason Roy had to go back in this virtual world, because his brother is permanently plugged into it whereas Roy isn’t, he’s just addicted to it. Fighting off this addiction and then having to resubmerge himself back into this cybernetic experience to save his brother gave him a goal, a reason and obstacles and hurdles so I am undecided what to do about this at this point. (Any advice you guys?)

Again, thanks for all the feedback you gave me and I hope you like what I put out next and will follow the development of this script!

- Daniel

Ella: The Beginning – New Draft

Here is the new draft of Ella: The Beginning. I have made a few changes based on the feedback I was given on the last draft, so again I invite your feedback, I am pretty happy with this apart from the end now so I will probably leave the beginning and middle alone for a while as I want to go onto the next story set in this universe. But I would still love the feedback, it can help shape future work too!

This post comes with a little bit of bad news thought I am afraid. On July 13th the domain name for this blog will revert to danposwriting.wordpress.com and my contact@wordsformwindows.com email address will stop working unless I can find the $18 (I don’t what it is in my currency (GBP)). Hopefully I will be able to afford it by then and the website will go uninterrupted but I just thought I would give you a heads up as any links on your blog to my work will stop working.

Some good news though, it is my birthday next Monday (the 25th) and I will be 21! A true adult aha, I feel like I am getting so old, although I know 21 is still young aha!

Ella – The Beginning Draft 3

Possible Website Mockup

Hey guys, what do you think of the attached picture for a potential website?

It would be a simple one screen page, hosted with a domain similar to my name, “DanielPostlethwaite.co.uk” for example. And then you would click the button to take you to the website in question.

It’s just a quick mockup and it is 3am here so I’m a little tired aha. Another idea I had is to give a brief description of the blog under each of the button, explaining which is which.

Website Mockup

Also, just a quick reminder, Words Form Windows has a Facebook page!

https://www.facebook.com/WordsFormWindows

Escape Script – Draft 4!

Hi, sorry for the lack of posts recently, I fell into laziness of the Easter holidays aha, but I am back and with a new overhauled version of my Escape script that I have been posting for feedback.

At the end of this post you’ll find the updated draft. If you have any time spare I would be very greatful if you could have a read and give me some feedback.

I would just like to say a huge thank you to the people who have given me feedback on the blog and also through my Facebook page, you guys know who you are and you have helped me make the script a lot better.

Thanks again and look out for some more posts coming your way soon.

Escape – DRAFT 4

“Escape” Script Feedback

I posted draft 3 of my script yesterday and had some great feed back from Rich.

He asked some good questions and I answered him in the comments of that post, but I have included them here for other people in case they read the script and get confused to.

Here is the script in question:
Escape – DRAFT 3 (33Kb)

If you feel like it give the script a read before reading on, then you can see if you felt the same as Rich and whether my answers make sense etc. Continue reading

29 Doughton Drive – Opening

I have just finished the first draft of my opening to the new thirty minute screenplay I am working on, 29 Doughton Drive, this is just a working title at the moment though I think.

*UPDATE* Changed a few typo’s
29 Doughton Drive

*Previous Versions*
29 Doughton Drive

Hope you enjoy, and if you have any feedback I will be more than happy to hear it.

Thanks.

P.s. Look out for the second part of the Bill Nighy article coming in a few hours, I think it’s scheduled for 12:30.