First of all I would just like to say thank you to all of you who gave me feedback on my logline and the synopsis etc. I took the feedback and made the changes that I felt were necessary and then submitted it to my University tutor to get his feedback. And his verdict was pretty much this:
“Change everything about the story”.
Now, I’m all for making changes based on what people suggest and especially what the tutor thinks best but in this case I have had to disregard everything he said to me regarding my work. He wanted to me to get rid of the cyber-world idea, get rid of the cyber-killer (or any killer at all for that matter), get rid of the brother, and just have it based on an addiction that his tearing his wife and daughter away from the main character, Roy.
I left the tutorial disheartened at first but then it dawned on me…I think he’s wrong. When he told me to have this drama focused on this little family, I told him I thought that was very cliche, it was over done and I think for a 90-120 minute script it would be incredibly, incredibly, incredibly, boring. His response was “but you can do things with it that makes it not cliche” and that may be the case but at the end of the day it’s not a story I want to tell, like, at all.
The one piece of advice he did give me that I may take on board is losing the brother, let the cyber-killer come after Roy instead, as this then affects him personally it is a direct threat on himself. But only concern with this is Roy’s brother was the reason Roy had to go back in this virtual world, because his brother is permanently plugged into it whereas Roy isn’t, he’s just addicted to it. Fighting off this addiction and then having to resubmerge himself back into this cybernetic experience to save his brother gave him a goal, a reason and obstacles and hurdles so I am undecided what to do about this at this point. (Any advice you guys?)
Again, thanks for all the feedback you gave me and I hope you like what I put out next and will follow the development of this script!