The Bond – First Draft Beginning

Hey guys, below is the first 800 words of a story ive been thinking about writing for a while now, and i finally got round to starting it, this is a really rough beginning but i wanted to share it, any feedback is appreciated obviously! Thanks,

“Rosalyn, stop that! You know I hate it when you do that in front of me.”
Rosalyn’s eyes swam back into focus, “you’re looking a little green Paige.”
“I don’t see why you don’t go talk to him in person, it’s rather rude that you’re having a conversation in front of me that I can’t hear.”
“Fine, i’ll leave, he just wanted to know how long i’d be here, he wants to go exploring. If you must know, I was telling him I was spending some time with you.”
“I-”
“No it’s okay, i’m sure my other sibling with appreciate my company more.”
Rosalyn got up off the floor, swiftly and with grace and left the families sitting room. As she left the room, the guard snapped to attention, “your highness.”
“For the last time, call me Rose.”
“Rose.”
“That’s better, how are you today anyway, Charles?”
Rose made it a habit to know the names of all the guards and staff around the palace, and if she didn’t know she’d usually just ask, apologetically.
“I can’t complain ma’am, and yourself?”
“I’d be fine if a certain sibling wasn’t so jealous,” Rose said, gesturing her head back to the door.
“It’s not my place to comment ma’am.”
“But if it was, off the record?”
“Well then, i’d agree, Paige can be a bit jealous of you and young David, but she has it tough. She’s in line for the throne, that takes a lot of preparation.”
“I guess, but she doesn’t need to take it out on me. Anyway’s thanks for talk Charles, you’re a good listener.”
“No worries Rose.”
With a goodbye Rose set off through the palace in search of David, her twin brother. As Rose knocked on his chamber, Rose’s mother, Queen Esper, appeared in the doorway opposite.
“He’s down in the sparring yard dear.”
“Thank’s mother.”
“Have you got a minute Rose.”
Rose walked over to her mothers chamber and followed her inside.
“I thought you were spending time with your sister?”
“I was but she snapped at me for talking to David, but I was just telling him I was busy spending time with Paige.”
“We’ve been through this Rosalyn, you shouldn’t use your gift in front of her, it’s not fair on her, she’s going through a lot at the moment.”
“But if David barges into my head I can’t just ignore him, I can’t shut him out, you know what he’s like he would keep hammering away.”
There was a sudden knock at the door, “enter”, Queen Esper called.
A page entered meekly, curtsying at the Queen and then, noticing Rose, curtsied again.
“Your Highness, Duke Harem has arrived, he awaits in the courtyard.”
“Thank you, please go make sure his horses are cared for, I will come greet him now.”
“Yes Your Highness.” The page bowed again to Rose and Esper then left hastily.
“I wonder if his Nephew has accompanied him? He’s a lovely boy Rosalyn, come with me.”
With a sigh Rose followed her mother from her chamber and as they left the Royal Wing two of the six guards stationed there fell in behind Rose and her mother.
Rose loved walking through the palace, the halls were lined with suits of armour and paintings, tapestries coated the walls. She had lived here for all fifteen years of her life and she still wasn’t bored.
The Royal Wing was at the back of the palace, high up on the fifth floor, easily defendable in case of an attack. This meant it took at least five minutes of walking to reach the courtyard.
The palace was surrounded two walls, there was the original wall of a keep, this surrounded the main palace, the courtyard and the royal guards barracks and the sparring yard. As the years went by and previous rulers grew in power, the castle complex grew with them, becoming the palace that stands here now. Eventually a second wall was built, this encompassed a new, bigger barracks, the stables, a mess hall, a smith, and various gardens.
A path connected the front gates of both walls together and this was called The Walk of Kings, flanking either side of the path were statues of all the previous rulers of Sylvalon. Obviously the name was inaccurate now, due to the last four rulers, being Queens. Over time more and more people settled in Sylvalon, becoming the glorious city it was now.
Plans were in motion to start the construction of a third wall, surrounding the houses of the citizens.

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About Daniel Postlethwaite

I study Film & TV Screenwriting with Creative Writing at the University of Central Lancashire. My three part plan is to move to Manchester next year, get a job in some media related position, then eventually move on up to London and from their go to New York or LA when I've got a tonne of experience. I have had four poems published by ForwardPress and I have had a short story based upon the first day at University published in the local paper. I am always looking for more competitions etc, if you know of any let me know.

7 thoughts on “The Bond – First Draft Beginning

    • Thank you, I wrote this on my iPad in bed the other night, I just thought I’d write and not do what I usually do (edit as I go), I will instead write chunks of it and then edit them before moving on, so I am going to continue with this piece and then when the “big event” happens, I will go back and edit it.

  1. This is a really good beginning, I’m left hanging in so many ways. I already like Rose :) At first I thought that David was dead and she could speak to ghosts… I like their gift.

    • Nah, I’m glad you got what the gift was though, I was struggling to get it across without saying “Rose can speak to David through telepathy.” But the fact it raised questions and you filled in the blanks only to later realise that what you thought is wrong, that’s cool (:

  2. Pingback: Dead Library… | Words Form Windows

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